po po

Today I tried to trace back my earliest childhood memory and your face automatically appeared in my mind. There are many memories that I probably have forgotten when I'm young but the time that spend with you are those that couldn't be forgotten though I'm as young as three or four years old.

I still remember the taste of your soy sauce chicken.

Everyday 7pm there will be Hong Kong drama showing on local tv channels.
Instead of going to kitchen to call you to watch the drama, I shouted (from living room),"Popo, it is 7pm already!" and slowly you will walk to living room and watch tv together with me.
Instead of sitting on the sofa, I will rather sit on your lap, ignoring my aunt who scolded me," Popo so old already, don't sit on her lap!"

I still remembered you helped me to apply medical oil on my skin after my mum canned me for some reasons that I can't remember.

Once, I woke up 4am in the morning and wanted to follow you and granpa go to Pokok Assam morning market to sell 'Ban Chang Kuih'@'Ban Jian Kuih'. When my mum found out that I crawled out from my bed, immediately she stopped me from following you both but you insisted to bring me along after I cried out loud. ha..

On some days, you will walked me to the Pokok Assam Pasar Malam. Once, there was really strong wind that blew away the umbrella that you holding on one hand but you never loose up the hand that you holding on me.

On one random day, my mum told me you are sick, that you have a nose cancer. I don't understand how serious it can be. I just wanted to visit you in hospital. But dad and mum said those nurses won't let me go in the ward and visit you as I'm too young. I don't understand why does it matters? Anyhow, mum insisted that I should stay outside with her, standing by the window and waving to you. By that time, I don't know that that was the wave of goodbye. It was year 1995.

Do I understand what is the meaning of death when I'm four? I'm not sure. Sometimes I do and at times I don't. The only thing I confirmed was you wouldn't be coming back anymore.
During the funeral, I don't remember what was I feeling, but I can remember mother was crying so badly and calling you again and again. I can also remember kneeling down in front of the coffin along with my sister and cousins.

When I turned to 5 the next year, looking my mum preparing some fruits and kuih for 'you'. I asked my mum why don't she prepared 'mamee' for you as I'm sure you will like what I like as well. :)

It has been 16 years already. Sometimes I wonder what if today you are still with us? Instead of taking care of me for four years, why can't it be longer? I'm sure you are the type of grandma that I can shared everything with.

I miss you.