Today I tried to trace back my earliest childhood memory and your face automatically appeared in my mind. There are many memories that I probably have forgotten when I'm young but the time that spend with you are those that couldn't be forgotten though I'm as young as three or four years old.
I still remember the taste of your soy sauce chicken.
Everyday 7pm there will be Hong Kong drama showing on local tv channels.
Instead of going to kitchen to call you to watch the drama, I shouted (from living room),"Popo, it is 7pm already!" and slowly you will walk to living room and watch tv together with me.
Instead of sitting on the sofa, I will rather sit on your lap, ignoring my aunt who scolded me," Popo so old already, don't sit on her lap!"
I still remembered you helped me to apply medical oil on my skin after my mum canned me for some reasons that I can't remember.
Once, I woke up 4am in the morning and wanted to follow you and granpa go to Pokok Assam morning market to sell 'Ban Chang Kuih'@'Ban Jian Kuih'. When my mum found out that I crawled out from my bed, immediately she stopped me from following you both but you insisted to bring me along after I cried out loud. ha..
On some days, you will walked me to the Pokok Assam Pasar Malam. Once, there was really strong wind that blew away the umbrella that you holding on one hand but you never loose up the hand that you holding on me.
On one random day, my mum told me you are sick, that you have a nose cancer. I don't understand how serious it can be. I just wanted to visit you in hospital. But dad and mum said those nurses won't let me go in the ward and visit you as I'm too young. I don't understand why does it matters? Anyhow, mum insisted that I should stay outside with her, standing by the window and waving to you. By that time, I don't know that that was the wave of goodbye. It was year 1995.
Do I understand what is the meaning of death when I'm four? I'm not sure. Sometimes I do and at times I don't. The only thing I confirmed was you wouldn't be coming back anymore.
During the funeral, I don't remember what was I feeling, but I can remember mother was crying so badly and calling you again and again. I can also remember kneeling down in front of the coffin along with my sister and cousins.
When I turned to 5 the next year, looking my mum preparing some fruits and kuih for 'you'. I asked my mum why don't she prepared 'mamee' for you as I'm sure you will like what I like as well. :)
It has been 16 years already. Sometimes I wonder what if today you are still with us? Instead of taking care of me for four years, why can't it be longer? I'm sure you are the type of grandma that I can shared everything with.
I miss you.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Fish Bone
Standard 3, year 2000.
The night before we are going down to Sunway Lagoon with my family, I was so excited. While having my dinner, a tiny fish bone had stuck in my throat. I tell you, that is painful. Then, some uncle or aunt suggested me to take a full mouth of rice. (The theory is that the force of swallowing will push down the fish bone.)
Instead of swallowing the lump of rice, I chew it. So obviously, this method doesn't work for me. To be fair, it is simply difficult to ask a nine year girl to do that ok? hahaaa..
Anyway, at last my uncle helped me by using some tools to pick it out from my throat. I was so relieved, I thought it will stick with me forever.
Anyhow, after the incident, I told myself not to eat fish anymore. I don't want to experience that kind of pain again. It scares me. What if it went into the throat too deep and flow within my blood? Eew... (That's how I think during that time XD)
Well, I really didn't eat much fish in the few years after that. Except there were times when my uncle or aunt who insisted to pick some fish into my plate of rice during family dinner. I told them I don't want and eventually they will give me that kind of 'adult look' that will shut my mouth immediately. Then I will take up minutes to use fork and spoon to squeeze and squeeze and squeeze the fish flesh until I confirmed that there is no more fish bone inside, even a little tiny one. That's is how traumatic I got towards fish bone when I'm young.
And now? Of course the trauma has gone. Fish is always one of my favourite food.
Recalled back those past memories, there were times when I'm so sure of myself by telling,
"No, I wouldn't like this..."
"Certainly I'm not this kind of person..."
"Of course I won't do this even in the future..."
"Nah, this won't happen on me..."
But you can't so sure of something until it really happens and it goes totally the other way round.
At times, when these things or feelings change gradually, you don't even realize it.
And by the time you realized, you knew those feelings have already grown too strong.
The night before we are going down to Sunway Lagoon with my family, I was so excited. While having my dinner, a tiny fish bone had stuck in my throat. I tell you, that is painful. Then, some uncle or aunt suggested me to take a full mouth of rice. (The theory is that the force of swallowing will push down the fish bone.)
Instead of swallowing the lump of rice, I chew it. So obviously, this method doesn't work for me. To be fair, it is simply difficult to ask a nine year girl to do that ok? hahaaa..
Anyway, at last my uncle helped me by using some tools to pick it out from my throat. I was so relieved, I thought it will stick with me forever.
Anyhow, after the incident, I told myself not to eat fish anymore. I don't want to experience that kind of pain again. It scares me. What if it went into the throat too deep and flow within my blood? Eew... (That's how I think during that time XD)
Well, I really didn't eat much fish in the few years after that. Except there were times when my uncle or aunt who insisted to pick some fish into my plate of rice during family dinner. I told them I don't want and eventually they will give me that kind of 'adult look' that will shut my mouth immediately. Then I will take up minutes to use fork and spoon to squeeze and squeeze and squeeze the fish flesh until I confirmed that there is no more fish bone inside, even a little tiny one. That's is how traumatic I got towards fish bone when I'm young.
And now? Of course the trauma has gone. Fish is always one of my favourite food.
Recalled back those past memories, there were times when I'm so sure of myself by telling,
"No, I wouldn't like this..."
"Certainly I'm not this kind of person..."
"Of course I won't do this even in the future..."
"Nah, this won't happen on me..."
But you can't so sure of something until it really happens and it goes totally the other way round.
At times, when these things or feelings change gradually, you don't even realize it.
And by the time you realized, you knew those feelings have already grown too strong.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Shayne Ward
Today is Tuesday.
Woke up early but today I don't have class. I was thinking whether wana go down to KL not. Then decided not to, plan to study in library for the upcoming multivariable calculus and programming language mid-term.
Coincidentally, I met the president of the program 'Seraut Kasih' in the library. She asked me how was my survey about the gifts that will be given to the lecturers that day. I'm really sorry as I haven't do any survey yet.
Even in the another program 'JUM', I was supposed in surveying a suitable place for the activities to be held but I haven't ask a single thing. Not to mention collecting a list of things from other AJKs so to borrow stuffs from the university.
This weekly PMMU meetings is killing me bit by bit.
Programming Language. I don't hate this subject.
Now already week 9 and still can't solve those PL questions that was given by my lecturer.
Mid-term on Friday, I don't wish to leave blank on those answer sheets.
Today is Tuesday.
Opening up my multivariable calculus reference and nothing much go in. Wasting time worry this and that.
Really, I should go down to KL.
Woke up early but today I don't have class. I was thinking whether wana go down to KL not. Then decided not to, plan to study in library for the upcoming multivariable calculus and programming language mid-term.
Coincidentally, I met the president of the program 'Seraut Kasih' in the library. She asked me how was my survey about the gifts that will be given to the lecturers that day. I'm really sorry as I haven't do any survey yet.
Even in the another program 'JUM', I was supposed in surveying a suitable place for the activities to be held but I haven't ask a single thing. Not to mention collecting a list of things from other AJKs so to borrow stuffs from the university.
This weekly PMMU meetings is killing me bit by bit.
Programming Language. I don't hate this subject.
Now already week 9 and still can't solve those PL questions that was given by my lecturer.
Mid-term on Friday, I don't wish to leave blank on those answer sheets.
Today is Tuesday.
Opening up my multivariable calculus reference and nothing much go in. Wasting time worry this and that.
Really, I should go down to KL.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
listening to saxophone
Friday I went to Kl with Jenn. Doing nothing the whole day except read the books I just bought.
'Sing You Home' and 'House Rules' by Jodi Picoult.
I managed to read finished the Sing You Home. Not bad not bad.
Mitch Albom.
Jodi Picoult.
JK Rowling.
Stephenie Meyer.
etc.
Yesterday, I was supposed to attend a friend's wedding (that is also the reason I went to Kl). But I didn't turn up.
Instead, I had KFC as my lunch with Jenn and Jessica.
Dinner? Subway! my all-time favorite fastfood!
Ah.. and I bought a 'durian durian' from secret Recipe.
Went to KLCC.
Bought Elton John and Kenny G's CD. :)
'Sing You Home' and 'House Rules' by Jodi Picoult.
I managed to read finished the Sing You Home. Not bad not bad.
Mitch Albom.
Jodi Picoult.
JK Rowling.
Stephenie Meyer.
etc.
Yesterday, I was supposed to attend a friend's wedding (that is also the reason I went to Kl). But I didn't turn up.
Instead, I had KFC as my lunch with Jenn and Jessica.
Dinner? Subway! my all-time favorite fastfood!
Ah.. and I bought a 'durian durian' from secret Recipe.
Went to KLCC.
Bought Elton John and Kenny G's CD. :)
Friday, November 11, 2011
theBestEver
On Tuesday, Jenn, Khaili, Pjuan, Alex and I went to karaoke~ hahaaaa... I like how we sing "Love the Way You Lie". You wouldn't want to miss singing with us. *wink wink*
And then... the day I waited for long have finally came! Yesterday, we went all the way to Teluk Batik to watch the state's choir competition! Recalled back during secondary school, I rarely took part in school's activities or competition but choir was one of them. I really miss those practice moments.
Jenn, her mom, Khaili and I woke up at 5.30am in the morning to get all ready. Driving ninety minutes all the way pass through Pantai Remis, Pulau Pangkor and here we are at the Virgo Resort, Teluk Batik! This is the first time ever I watch the full choir competition, excited! But I don't like the place they chose to hold the competiton, too small to fit in all the participants and parents! >.< I was kind of shocked that my former primary school was in the primary category in the competition too and they did a really good job. Too bad there wasn't even a choir team exist during my primary time. Then, it is the Puteri Convent Taiping's turn! With the lighting effect, the Phantom of the Opera as an opening song, I doubt that if it didn't wow the audience at that moment. They sang Budi Bahasa Budaya Kita and Think of Me. I still can feel the goosebumps whenever I watched the video when they sang. Undeniably, some other teams were quite good too, but still incomparable to Convent Taiping (no offense to other schools). The Champinon went to ------> SMK CONVENT TAIPING! :D
The Best Conductor ------> JOCELYN (Jenn's youngest mei mei)
Thrill, thrill and more thrill.
Scream, scream and more screaming has filled the entire hall.
All their hard works have finally meant something.
I'm not one of the participants but I share no less excitement with them.
Laughing together with Khaili, I couldn't express more my feeling that time.
Even Jenn's mum was teary all the way. :')
Of course, the teacher-in-charged behind, Meichen, played an important role in this great team. Due to her talent in music and dedicated in teaching, she brought the team to the best!
Wishing Congratulation to each other, taking photos, we end the great day by singing 'Perajurit Tanah Air'. Hahahaa...
On the way back home, we stopped by and ate in a restaurant. Even a dead fly that found in my food didn't ruin my day. XP
By the way, Happy 11.11.2011!
And then... the day I waited for long have finally came! Yesterday, we went all the way to Teluk Batik to watch the state's choir competition! Recalled back during secondary school, I rarely took part in school's activities or competition but choir was one of them. I really miss those practice moments.
Jenn, her mom, Khaili and I woke up at 5.30am in the morning to get all ready. Driving ninety minutes all the way pass through Pantai Remis, Pulau Pangkor and here we are at the Virgo Resort, Teluk Batik! This is the first time ever I watch the full choir competition, excited! But I don't like the place they chose to hold the competiton, too small to fit in all the participants and parents! >.< I was kind of shocked that my former primary school was in the primary category in the competition too and they did a really good job. Too bad there wasn't even a choir team exist during my primary time. Then, it is the Puteri Convent Taiping's turn! With the lighting effect, the Phantom of the Opera as an opening song, I doubt that if it didn't wow the audience at that moment. They sang Budi Bahasa Budaya Kita and Think of Me. I still can feel the goosebumps whenever I watched the video when they sang. Undeniably, some other teams were quite good too, but still incomparable to Convent Taiping (no offense to other schools). The Champinon went to ------> SMK CONVENT TAIPING! :D
The Best Conductor ------> JOCELYN (Jenn's youngest mei mei)
Thrill, thrill and more thrill.
Scream, scream and more screaming has filled the entire hall.
All their hard works have finally meant something.
I'm not one of the participants but I share no less excitement with them.
Laughing together with Khaili, I couldn't express more my feeling that time.
Even Jenn's mum was teary all the way. :')
Of course, the teacher-in-charged behind, Meichen, played an important role in this great team. Due to her talent in music and dedicated in teaching, she brought the team to the best!
Wishing Congratulation to each other, taking photos, we end the great day by singing 'Perajurit Tanah Air'. Hahahaa...
On the way back home, we stopped by and ate in a restaurant. Even a dead fly that found in my food didn't ruin my day. XP
By the way, Happy 11.11.2011!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Raya Haji holiday
Thanks to my friend Ira, I managed to be back on Taiping by Saturday morning!
I'm very surprised that Spyng has actually created a facebook group called 'Siao Cha Bohs' for all of us. It is not simply any facebook group but a bunch of friends that you knew them well and vice versa. :D
Jenn, Jrui and I then went to Flemington's hotel to attend Pjuan's sister, Pfang's wedding. Alex was back with Pjuan to Taiping too. He is a best friend's of Pjuan's and you wouldn't want to miss his magic tricks! Of course, Gan is also able play a few tricks that make all of us laugh so hard. XD
During the wedding lunch, a simple decoration of the restaurant or a word from the MC trigger me to start imagining my friends' wedding. First, the guests that attend will be those faces we knew too well, all the best friends, their parents, or perhaps some teachers. They will go to the bride and groom, wishing them Congratulations and hug them. I think I will cry on every touching moments. When I tell Jenn about friends' future wedding and stuffs, she just give me HER USUAL LOOK and said,"start imagine again la u.." =.=
Oh, and the singers that provided from the restaurant. Usually, I don't really enjoy listening to their singing or those songs they have picked to sing. Then Jenn said why they always have the same dance moves and can't stand properly and sing. Hahahaaa... When I recalled back those weddings or some other chinese functions I attended, I laugh.
Then, Jrui told us about her studies and living environment in UMT and she said she has been driving for eight hours from Terengganu to Taiping. Wao. After that, we talk awhile with Pjuan and Alex before going back home.
At night, going out dinner with Jenn and Jocelyn in Tops Thai. I like the mango salad~
I'm very surprised that Spyng has actually created a facebook group called 'Siao Cha Bohs' for all of us. It is not simply any facebook group but a bunch of friends that you knew them well and vice versa. :D
Jenn, Jrui and I then went to Flemington's hotel to attend Pjuan's sister, Pfang's wedding. Alex was back with Pjuan to Taiping too. He is a best friend's of Pjuan's and you wouldn't want to miss his magic tricks! Of course, Gan is also able play a few tricks that make all of us laugh so hard. XD
During the wedding lunch, a simple decoration of the restaurant or a word from the MC trigger me to start imagining my friends' wedding. First, the guests that attend will be those faces we knew too well, all the best friends, their parents, or perhaps some teachers. They will go to the bride and groom, wishing them Congratulations and hug them. I think I will cry on every touching moments. When I tell Jenn about friends' future wedding and stuffs, she just give me HER USUAL LOOK and said,"start imagine again la u.." =.=
Oh, and the singers that provided from the restaurant. Usually, I don't really enjoy listening to their singing or those songs they have picked to sing. Then Jenn said why they always have the same dance moves and can't stand properly and sing. Hahahaaa... When I recalled back those weddings or some other chinese functions I attended, I laugh.
Then, Jrui told us about her studies and living environment in UMT and she said she has been driving for eight hours from Terengganu to Taiping. Wao. After that, we talk awhile with Pjuan and Alex before going back home.
At night, going out dinner with Jenn and Jocelyn in Tops Thai. I like the mango salad~
Thursday, November 3, 2011
t.s.o.l
Yesterday, at last handed in 3P's assignment. Then, the lecturer gave a sudden mid-term test. I can't find the answers in textbook. It depends on your own extra reading.
Later at night, we have Numerical Methods' mid-term.
I have bought train ticket back to Taiping on this Saturday but I don't think I will be in time when Poh Juan's sister wedding starts. Bus tickets from Duta to Taiping have been sold out. Called up a friend or two to ask whether can car pooling with them or not. No answer given yet.
Lately, not in a mood on doing things.
Felt like some part of me is missing.
Later at night, we have Numerical Methods' mid-term.
I have bought train ticket back to Taiping on this Saturday but I don't think I will be in time when Poh Juan's sister wedding starts. Bus tickets from Duta to Taiping have been sold out. Called up a friend or two to ask whether can car pooling with them or not. No answer given yet.
Lately, not in a mood on doing things.
Felt like some part of me is missing.
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