Monday, April 8, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
tears of joy
My mum used to call me almost once in two days back when I'm in the 1st and 2nd semester. Every time I will answer the call with a faster-hang-up-the-phone tone. I'm sure she realize it and yet she thought I behaved like that because I'm busying with my assignments or studies.
Actually I'm not, that time I just don't feel like talking. Some people can talk to their parents on phone all day long, but I can't. Sometimes when I'm down or upset, I will not tell them as I don't want them to worry. They have too many things to be handled with.
In this 3rd semester, mum has changed a bit, she will only call me around once a week? Actually I felt myself have more things to talk to her in that way. Besides, instead of her asking me about my undertakings, at times I will make the 1st move by calling my mum and dad.
Some people might feel this is no big deal but for me this is a little change.
I knew sometimes I hurt them back when I'm at home or how I answered my parents' call.
I'm sorry for what I've done.
One can't turn back a time but he should make sure no same mistake is made in the other time.
xxx
This Monday after staying in the class without lecturer for two hours, I get myself ready and took a 6pm bus to Kl. I think I can considered myself as Jenn's half-roomate already by running to her place at least once a month? Ha.
The next day we meet up with Mizen and Spyng in midvalley.
Mama's kitchen-Aunty Annes-Pasta Zanmai-Snowflake
On the way to Kl on Monday, listening to Elton John's songs all the way, I try to sleep but can't.
Looking the scenery outside, I saw my friends and families faces.
They play an important role in making I am who I am today and affects how I think in a lot of ways.
I don't mind if I less pretty or no richer than others as I always have them.
Then, tears filled my eyes.
There are certain times I cried before,
When young, I cried when I fell,
when I've been canned,
being left out,
being dissapointed.
But this is the first time I have tears because I'm contented.
Ya, things may turn different in the future, but for now, this is how I felt.
I don't know why suddenly I'm so emotional, and the fact that the setting is in a bus doesn't seem right. The passenger who saw may probably thought I have a hard time after breaking up with my boyfriend.
Nah, maybe I cried because am touched by Elton's songs.
Whichever the reason is, I reached Kl safely after that.
Jenn texted me what I prefer for dinner, Cheese and Chalk or KFC?
KFC? Oh please, like I haven't seen enough in Tanjung Malim.
We ended up eating cheese baked rice together with Jessica. :)
Actually I'm not, that time I just don't feel like talking. Some people can talk to their parents on phone all day long, but I can't. Sometimes when I'm down or upset, I will not tell them as I don't want them to worry. They have too many things to be handled with.
In this 3rd semester, mum has changed a bit, she will only call me around once a week? Actually I felt myself have more things to talk to her in that way. Besides, instead of her asking me about my undertakings, at times I will make the 1st move by calling my mum and dad.
Some people might feel this is no big deal but for me this is a little change.
I knew sometimes I hurt them back when I'm at home or how I answered my parents' call.
I'm sorry for what I've done.
One can't turn back a time but he should make sure no same mistake is made in the other time.
xxx
This Monday after staying in the class without lecturer for two hours, I get myself ready and took a 6pm bus to Kl. I think I can considered myself as Jenn's half-roomate already by running to her place at least once a month? Ha.
The next day we meet up with Mizen and Spyng in midvalley.
Mama's kitchen-Aunty Annes-Pasta Zanmai-Snowflake
On the way to Kl on Monday, listening to Elton John's songs all the way, I try to sleep but can't.
Looking the scenery outside, I saw my friends and families faces.
They play an important role in making I am who I am today and affects how I think in a lot of ways.
I don't mind if I less pretty or no richer than others as I always have them.
Then, tears filled my eyes.
There are certain times I cried before,
When young, I cried when I fell,
when I've been canned,
being left out,
being dissapointed.
But this is the first time I have tears because I'm contented.
Ya, things may turn different in the future, but for now, this is how I felt.
I don't know why suddenly I'm so emotional, and the fact that the setting is in a bus doesn't seem right. The passenger who saw may probably thought I have a hard time after breaking up with my boyfriend.
Nah, maybe I cried because am touched by Elton's songs.
Whichever the reason is, I reached Kl safely after that.
Jenn texted me what I prefer for dinner, Cheese and Chalk or KFC?
KFC? Oh please, like I haven't seen enough in Tanjung Malim.
We ended up eating cheese baked rice together with Jessica. :)
Monday, November 28, 2011
po po
Today I tried to trace back my earliest childhood memory and your face automatically appeared in my mind. There are many memories that I probably have forgotten when I'm young but the time that spend with you are those that couldn't be forgotten though I'm as young as three or four years old.
I still remember the taste of your soy sauce chicken.
Everyday 7pm there will be Hong Kong drama showing on local tv channels.
Instead of going to kitchen to call you to watch the drama, I shouted (from living room),"Popo, it is 7pm already!" and slowly you will walk to living room and watch tv together with me.
Instead of sitting on the sofa, I will rather sit on your lap, ignoring my aunt who scolded me," Popo so old already, don't sit on her lap!"
I still remembered you helped me to apply medical oil on my skin after my mum canned me for some reasons that I can't remember.
Once, I woke up 4am in the morning and wanted to follow you and granpa go to Pokok Assam morning market to sell 'Ban Chang Kuih'@'Ban Jian Kuih'. When my mum found out that I crawled out from my bed, immediately she stopped me from following you both but you insisted to bring me along after I cried out loud. ha..
On some days, you will walked me to the Pokok Assam Pasar Malam. Once, there was really strong wind that blew away the umbrella that you holding on one hand but you never loose up the hand that you holding on me.
On one random day, my mum told me you are sick, that you have a nose cancer. I don't understand how serious it can be. I just wanted to visit you in hospital. But dad and mum said those nurses won't let me go in the ward and visit you as I'm too young. I don't understand why does it matters? Anyhow, mum insisted that I should stay outside with her, standing by the window and waving to you. By that time, I don't know that that was the wave of goodbye. It was year 1995.
Do I understand what is the meaning of death when I'm four? I'm not sure. Sometimes I do and at times I don't. The only thing I confirmed was you wouldn't be coming back anymore.
During the funeral, I don't remember what was I feeling, but I can remember mother was crying so badly and calling you again and again. I can also remember kneeling down in front of the coffin along with my sister and cousins.
When I turned to 5 the next year, looking my mum preparing some fruits and kuih for 'you'. I asked my mum why don't she prepared 'mamee' for you as I'm sure you will like what I like as well. :)
It has been 16 years already. Sometimes I wonder what if today you are still with us? Instead of taking care of me for four years, why can't it be longer? I'm sure you are the type of grandma that I can shared everything with.
I miss you.
I still remember the taste of your soy sauce chicken.
Everyday 7pm there will be Hong Kong drama showing on local tv channels.
Instead of going to kitchen to call you to watch the drama, I shouted (from living room),"Popo, it is 7pm already!" and slowly you will walk to living room and watch tv together with me.
Instead of sitting on the sofa, I will rather sit on your lap, ignoring my aunt who scolded me," Popo so old already, don't sit on her lap!"
I still remembered you helped me to apply medical oil on my skin after my mum canned me for some reasons that I can't remember.
Once, I woke up 4am in the morning and wanted to follow you and granpa go to Pokok Assam morning market to sell 'Ban Chang Kuih'@'Ban Jian Kuih'. When my mum found out that I crawled out from my bed, immediately she stopped me from following you both but you insisted to bring me along after I cried out loud. ha..
On some days, you will walked me to the Pokok Assam Pasar Malam. Once, there was really strong wind that blew away the umbrella that you holding on one hand but you never loose up the hand that you holding on me.
On one random day, my mum told me you are sick, that you have a nose cancer. I don't understand how serious it can be. I just wanted to visit you in hospital. But dad and mum said those nurses won't let me go in the ward and visit you as I'm too young. I don't understand why does it matters? Anyhow, mum insisted that I should stay outside with her, standing by the window and waving to you. By that time, I don't know that that was the wave of goodbye. It was year 1995.
Do I understand what is the meaning of death when I'm four? I'm not sure. Sometimes I do and at times I don't. The only thing I confirmed was you wouldn't be coming back anymore.
During the funeral, I don't remember what was I feeling, but I can remember mother was crying so badly and calling you again and again. I can also remember kneeling down in front of the coffin along with my sister and cousins.
When I turned to 5 the next year, looking my mum preparing some fruits and kuih for 'you'. I asked my mum why don't she prepared 'mamee' for you as I'm sure you will like what I like as well. :)
It has been 16 years already. Sometimes I wonder what if today you are still with us? Instead of taking care of me for four years, why can't it be longer? I'm sure you are the type of grandma that I can shared everything with.
I miss you.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Fish Bone
Standard 3, year 2000.
The night before we are going down to Sunway Lagoon with my family, I was so excited. While having my dinner, a tiny fish bone had stuck in my throat. I tell you, that is painful. Then, some uncle or aunt suggested me to take a full mouth of rice. (The theory is that the force of swallowing will push down the fish bone.)
Instead of swallowing the lump of rice, I chew it. So obviously, this method doesn't work for me. To be fair, it is simply difficult to ask a nine year girl to do that ok? hahaaa..
Anyway, at last my uncle helped me by using some tools to pick it out from my throat. I was so relieved, I thought it will stick with me forever.
Anyhow, after the incident, I told myself not to eat fish anymore. I don't want to experience that kind of pain again. It scares me. What if it went into the throat too deep and flow within my blood? Eew... (That's how I think during that time XD)
Well, I really didn't eat much fish in the few years after that. Except there were times when my uncle or aunt who insisted to pick some fish into my plate of rice during family dinner. I told them I don't want and eventually they will give me that kind of 'adult look' that will shut my mouth immediately. Then I will take up minutes to use fork and spoon to squeeze and squeeze and squeeze the fish flesh until I confirmed that there is no more fish bone inside, even a little tiny one. That's is how traumatic I got towards fish bone when I'm young.
And now? Of course the trauma has gone. Fish is always one of my favourite food.
Recalled back those past memories, there were times when I'm so sure of myself by telling,
"No, I wouldn't like this..."
"Certainly I'm not this kind of person..."
"Of course I won't do this even in the future..."
"Nah, this won't happen on me..."
But you can't so sure of something until it really happens and it goes totally the other way round.
At times, when these things or feelings change gradually, you don't even realize it.
And by the time you realized, you knew those feelings have already grown too strong.
The night before we are going down to Sunway Lagoon with my family, I was so excited. While having my dinner, a tiny fish bone had stuck in my throat. I tell you, that is painful. Then, some uncle or aunt suggested me to take a full mouth of rice. (The theory is that the force of swallowing will push down the fish bone.)
Instead of swallowing the lump of rice, I chew it. So obviously, this method doesn't work for me. To be fair, it is simply difficult to ask a nine year girl to do that ok? hahaaa..
Anyway, at last my uncle helped me by using some tools to pick it out from my throat. I was so relieved, I thought it will stick with me forever.
Anyhow, after the incident, I told myself not to eat fish anymore. I don't want to experience that kind of pain again. It scares me. What if it went into the throat too deep and flow within my blood? Eew... (That's how I think during that time XD)
Well, I really didn't eat much fish in the few years after that. Except there were times when my uncle or aunt who insisted to pick some fish into my plate of rice during family dinner. I told them I don't want and eventually they will give me that kind of 'adult look' that will shut my mouth immediately. Then I will take up minutes to use fork and spoon to squeeze and squeeze and squeeze the fish flesh until I confirmed that there is no more fish bone inside, even a little tiny one. That's is how traumatic I got towards fish bone when I'm young.
And now? Of course the trauma has gone. Fish is always one of my favourite food.
Recalled back those past memories, there were times when I'm so sure of myself by telling,
"No, I wouldn't like this..."
"Certainly I'm not this kind of person..."
"Of course I won't do this even in the future..."
"Nah, this won't happen on me..."
But you can't so sure of something until it really happens and it goes totally the other way round.
At times, when these things or feelings change gradually, you don't even realize it.
And by the time you realized, you knew those feelings have already grown too strong.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Shayne Ward
Today is Tuesday.
Woke up early but today I don't have class. I was thinking whether wana go down to KL not. Then decided not to, plan to study in library for the upcoming multivariable calculus and programming language mid-term.
Coincidentally, I met the president of the program 'Seraut Kasih' in the library. She asked me how was my survey about the gifts that will be given to the lecturers that day. I'm really sorry as I haven't do any survey yet.
Even in the another program 'JUM', I was supposed in surveying a suitable place for the activities to be held but I haven't ask a single thing. Not to mention collecting a list of things from other AJKs so to borrow stuffs from the university.
This weekly PMMU meetings is killing me bit by bit.
Programming Language. I don't hate this subject.
Now already week 9 and still can't solve those PL questions that was given by my lecturer.
Mid-term on Friday, I don't wish to leave blank on those answer sheets.
Today is Tuesday.
Opening up my multivariable calculus reference and nothing much go in. Wasting time worry this and that.
Really, I should go down to KL.
Woke up early but today I don't have class. I was thinking whether wana go down to KL not. Then decided not to, plan to study in library for the upcoming multivariable calculus and programming language mid-term.
Coincidentally, I met the president of the program 'Seraut Kasih' in the library. She asked me how was my survey about the gifts that will be given to the lecturers that day. I'm really sorry as I haven't do any survey yet.
Even in the another program 'JUM', I was supposed in surveying a suitable place for the activities to be held but I haven't ask a single thing. Not to mention collecting a list of things from other AJKs so to borrow stuffs from the university.
This weekly PMMU meetings is killing me bit by bit.
Programming Language. I don't hate this subject.
Now already week 9 and still can't solve those PL questions that was given by my lecturer.
Mid-term on Friday, I don't wish to leave blank on those answer sheets.
Today is Tuesday.
Opening up my multivariable calculus reference and nothing much go in. Wasting time worry this and that.
Really, I should go down to KL.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
listening to saxophone
Friday I went to Kl with Jenn. Doing nothing the whole day except read the books I just bought.
'Sing You Home' and 'House Rules' by Jodi Picoult.
I managed to read finished the Sing You Home. Not bad not bad.
Mitch Albom.
Jodi Picoult.
JK Rowling.
Stephenie Meyer.
etc.
Yesterday, I was supposed to attend a friend's wedding (that is also the reason I went to Kl). But I didn't turn up.
Instead, I had KFC as my lunch with Jenn and Jessica.
Dinner? Subway! my all-time favorite fastfood!
Ah.. and I bought a 'durian durian' from secret Recipe.
Went to KLCC.
Bought Elton John and Kenny G's CD. :)
'Sing You Home' and 'House Rules' by Jodi Picoult.
I managed to read finished the Sing You Home. Not bad not bad.
Mitch Albom.
Jodi Picoult.
JK Rowling.
Stephenie Meyer.
etc.
Yesterday, I was supposed to attend a friend's wedding (that is also the reason I went to Kl). But I didn't turn up.
Instead, I had KFC as my lunch with Jenn and Jessica.
Dinner? Subway! my all-time favorite fastfood!
Ah.. and I bought a 'durian durian' from secret Recipe.
Went to KLCC.
Bought Elton John and Kenny G's CD. :)
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